i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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