I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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