I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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