Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
