we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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