dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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