have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
