Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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