Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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