If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
