I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
