THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
