**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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