just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
