My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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