I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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