The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
