I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
