her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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