I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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