I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i've created a new STD.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize