Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
