ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
