Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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