You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
