I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
