I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
