I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
