i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize