Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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