if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
