I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
