dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my shit smells like andre
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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