Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The air was thick with penises
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize