Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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