Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
