I wish i was in the wii world.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
