dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
