Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
