she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize