Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
