if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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