I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
