I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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