I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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