mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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