You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
