hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
