if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
