Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
