If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
where does the pee come out of this thing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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