it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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