my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
