I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there was a trapeze. enough said
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
