Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
