if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
