Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
zippers are such a cool invention
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
