I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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