I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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