Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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