Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
