I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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