after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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