I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
