They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
