Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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