Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize