As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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