so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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