Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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