the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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