Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its not stalking. its research.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize