My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
even my farts smell like vagina
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
