My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
