the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
