We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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