also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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