11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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