all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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