the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
