How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
