Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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