You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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