too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
