Sponge bath it is.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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