I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
