So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
