I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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