Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
