Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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