I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
