We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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