How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
