my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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