This dress was meant to end up on your floor
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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