You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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