I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
