I cannot find my penis.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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