He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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