apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
