TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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