I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
